a poem about Jerry, and about all of us
Strong
Like the smallest guy in class playing football with junior highers
twice his size and pulling his own weight
Like the little league baseball player with broken fingers never
quitting even when he could
Like the student who captained his academic team as an 8th grader
because he was the only one with prior experience
Like the avid reader who swore he was not a Slytherin, though he
was...and earned the right to Gryffindor House, at least in 8th
Grade History
Like the kid who found Jesus (and a church home) and never
stopped inviting his mom, his best friend, even his best friend’s
parents, until they came too
Like the young man on a mission experience using his Boy Scout
skills to benefit a whole village
Courageous
Like the father torn with grief holding the young mother when she
no longer has the strength to stand alone
Like the class of 8th graders sitting together at a funeral even
though they’re not sure what to do, just supporting each other
Like the circle of friends sharing their favorite quote about Ohana
in front of a crowd, even though their family is “little and broken”
Like the best friend heading to school for the first time without the
guy he called brother, knowing it won’t be easy and going anyway
Like a youth group coming together for the first time after losing
the sunshine and finding a way to laugh again
Like the mother who finds the strength again and again ...
to put one foot in front of the other
to stand before hundreds of people and share a bright
memory even though her heart is shattered into millions of pieces
to join with the church family for worship even though her
memories are nearly close enough to touch
to encircle herself with the Ohana family of young people who will always call her “Mom” even though the center of the circle is unseen.
Yes, I’ve seen extraordinary strength and courage.
I can find the strength and courage to walk this valley, too.
Showing posts with label church family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label church family. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
On Grief
People deal with grief differently. I write.
It's been a rough month, frankly. There have been lots of mornings I didn't want to even get out of bed, didn't want to remember, didn't even want to think about what the day would look like without Jerry. And yet ... there is something incredibly healing in being able to say his name, in being able to write about the awesome young man he was, in being able to see pictures and videos of Jerry being Jerry. I think, perhaps, the hardest part personally was giving myself permission to grieve. You see, Jerry was not my son -- but he was so much a part of our lives, he certainly might as well have been! He's present in too many Facebook photos to count; he's in a third of my profile pics and cover photos; he's been at my house and in my youth group and under foot since forever (Kindergarten). I felt like he was mine. But he wasn't really. And it's been hard to give myself permission to grieve. What right do I have?! Well, he was mine. And this is how the grief process works for me.
I write.
So, I thought maybe I could gather some of this month's Facebook writings here together on this blog. Maybe it will make more sense as a whole. Maybe it will just make sense to me. Ah well.
April 20, 7:54 p.m.
Prayers please for a dear child!
April 20, 11:58 p.m.
Cyril kids, the pastors in town will be available at school tomorrow morning. Most of us, Rachyl and Jaxom included, plan to be there tomorrow. Shoulders to cry on and shoulders to hug. Missing our Sparklez for sure.
April 21, 6:46 a.m.
We all grieve differently. Me, I write. Woke this morning (if you can call this awake) with a gaping chasm in my heart. I may not have given birth to this boy, but he was my son nonetheless. Lots of moms feeling this way in Cyril today. And one more than the rest, more than we can say, we love you, Kristi.
April 23, 10:03 a.m.
Ohana; never forgotten. — with Rachyl Carlson. "Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten." -Lilo
April 25, 9:11 a.m.
Your presence and support much appreciated this morning as we try to say goodbye to Jerry Lewis. If you are available, join us at the gym at 10. — feeling heartbroken.
April 25, 1:49 p.m.
Blue sparkle roses for our Sparkles today. Class of 2019 Ohana. (Thanks, Kenzie Grace and Tina R Young.)
April 25, 8:18 a.m.
This morning, I'll be at worship with my church family, for the first time without Jerry. There will be smiles and tears, likely at the same time. I would greatly appreciate your prayers this morning.
(Our youth group, last Youth Sunday.)
April 25, 10:05 p.m.
It was good to sit in a circle of friends this evening. We need each other, for sure. Love you, Delbert, Christine, Kristi, Jason, Rachyl, Haley, Kenneth, Jaxom, Rilee, huge hugs to all!!!!
April 29, 7:19 a.m.
Woke exhausted this morning. Need strength just to make it to school today.
"I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be. Hands of Mercy, won't you cover me, Lord, right now I'm asking you to be strong enough."
April 29, 11:17 a.m.
Missing Jerry like crazy today. This pic is from last year's dance recital. How I miss this face! Each day, it seems, is full of more moments.
Like this pic: he HATED sitting through dance recital! But put up with it because that's what family does. It's hard for Rachyl and Jaxom right now without this guy they call brother.
I know she would love to have family and friends come support her Friday evening at Dance Recital. Ohana means everything.
May 11, 4:23 p.m.
A moment, frozen in time. The auditorium, full of antsy students and eager parents. The room suddenly hushed, breaths collectively held, all eyes turned toward the podium. Behind the microphone, her voice tremulous but strong, the young mother shared a gift with a class of 8th graders - her kids - minus one very important young man. You could have heard a pin drop in the silence of the moment. A hug for each precious soul, a sparkly cross in memory of her Sparklez, a connection few will understand. A moment, a stillness, a memory, but a reminder that Jerry Lewis will always be with us. I don't know how you measure strength, but here in Cyril, our strength is family. #sparklesmonday
May 18, 8:07 a.m.
#sparklezmonday
Dumbledore: Still?
Snape: Always.
So, how can I explain the depth of my grief? Words fail. I miss you, Jerry Eugene Rath Lewis. Always.
It's been a rough month, frankly. There have been lots of mornings I didn't want to even get out of bed, didn't want to remember, didn't even want to think about what the day would look like without Jerry. And yet ... there is something incredibly healing in being able to say his name, in being able to write about the awesome young man he was, in being able to see pictures and videos of Jerry being Jerry. I think, perhaps, the hardest part personally was giving myself permission to grieve. You see, Jerry was not my son -- but he was so much a part of our lives, he certainly might as well have been! He's present in too many Facebook photos to count; he's in a third of my profile pics and cover photos; he's been at my house and in my youth group and under foot since forever (Kindergarten). I felt like he was mine. But he wasn't really. And it's been hard to give myself permission to grieve. What right do I have?! Well, he was mine. And this is how the grief process works for me.
I write.
So, I thought maybe I could gather some of this month's Facebook writings here together on this blog. Maybe it will make more sense as a whole. Maybe it will just make sense to me. Ah well.
April 20, 7:54 p.m.
Prayers please for a dear child!
April 20, 11:58 p.m.
Cyril kids, the pastors in town will be available at school tomorrow morning. Most of us, Rachyl and Jaxom included, plan to be there tomorrow. Shoulders to cry on and shoulders to hug. Missing our Sparklez for sure.
April 21, 6:46 a.m.
We all grieve differently. Me, I write. Woke this morning (if you can call this awake) with a gaping chasm in my heart. I may not have given birth to this boy, but he was my son nonetheless. Lots of moms feeling this way in Cyril today. And one more than the rest, more than we can say, we love you, Kristi.
April 23, 10:03 a.m.
Ohana; never forgotten. — with Rachyl Carlson. "Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten." -Lilo
April 25, 9:11 a.m.
Your presence and support much appreciated this morning as we try to say goodbye to Jerry Lewis. If you are available, join us at the gym at 10. — feeling heartbroken.
April 25, 1:49 p.m.
Blue sparkle roses for our Sparkles today. Class of 2019 Ohana. (Thanks, Kenzie Grace and Tina R Young.)
April 25, 8:18 a.m.
This morning, I'll be at worship with my church family, for the first time without Jerry. There will be smiles and tears, likely at the same time. I would greatly appreciate your prayers this morning.
(Our youth group, last Youth Sunday.)
April 25, 10:05 p.m.
It was good to sit in a circle of friends this evening. We need each other, for sure. Love you, Delbert, Christine, Kristi, Jason, Rachyl, Haley, Kenneth, Jaxom, Rilee, huge hugs to all!!!!
April 29, 7:19 a.m.
Woke exhausted this morning. Need strength just to make it to school today.
"I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be. Hands of Mercy, won't you cover me, Lord, right now I'm asking you to be strong enough."
April 29, 11:17 a.m.
Missing Jerry like crazy today. This pic is from last year's dance recital. How I miss this face! Each day, it seems, is full of more moments.
Like this pic: he HATED sitting through dance recital! But put up with it because that's what family does. It's hard for Rachyl and Jaxom right now without this guy they call brother.
I know she would love to have family and friends come support her Friday evening at Dance Recital. Ohana means everything.
May 11, 4:23 p.m.
A moment, frozen in time. The auditorium, full of antsy students and eager parents. The room suddenly hushed, breaths collectively held, all eyes turned toward the podium. Behind the microphone, her voice tremulous but strong, the young mother shared a gift with a class of 8th graders - her kids - minus one very important young man. You could have heard a pin drop in the silence of the moment. A hug for each precious soul, a sparkly cross in memory of her Sparklez, a connection few will understand. A moment, a stillness, a memory, but a reminder that Jerry Lewis will always be with us. I don't know how you measure strength, but here in Cyril, our strength is family. #sparklesmonday
May 18, 8:07 a.m.
#sparklezmonday
Dumbledore: Still?
Snape: Always.
So, how can I explain the depth of my grief? Words fail. I miss you, Jerry Eugene Rath Lewis. Always.
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Way Beyond Me
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" ...
(but that doesn't mean I've been called to do EVERYTHING!)
One of the most difficult lessons I've been learning this year is about disentangling myself from the burdens that drag me down.
This process is intentionally my New Year's Resolutions. I've got to drop some baggage from this load that keeps me from moving!
I have a really bad habit of saying "yes" when asked to do things. Maybe it doesn't sound like that big of a deal. Trust me; it is.
If there is a function coming up for youth group, or if hubby comes up with another "great idea" for the youth group, or if someone in the church is thinking of an idea for the church family, I VOLUNTEER!
If there is an event going on at school, whether my kids are involved or not, or if someone happens to be absent or called away or otherwise "in need", I VOLUNTEER!
If a friend (or even slight acquaintance) calls needing something, I VOLUNTEER!
It's true. And the weight of all these promises drags me down! So I am learning to say no.
It's a slow process. Right now, I'm working my way through all the previous obligations that I've said "yes" to. The next month or so is full of these types of burdens. And it really is my own fault. These things would get done if I didn't do them. (And if they didn't get done, the world really would not come to an end.)
During this time of stress from over-volunteering, and learning to say no, I repeat Philippians 4:13. And I hum a little of TobyMac's "Way Beyond Me"...
Anything that I got the strength to do
In over my head keeps me countin' on You
I'm leaving the sweet spot, sure shot
Tradin' it all for the plans You got
Is it so crazy to believe
That You gave me the stars, put them out of my reach
Called me to waters a little too deep
Oh, I've never been so aware of my need
Yeah, you keep on making me see
It's way beyond me
(but that doesn't mean I've been called to do EVERYTHING!)
One of the most difficult lessons I've been learning this year is about disentangling myself from the burdens that drag me down.
This process is intentionally my New Year's Resolutions. I've got to drop some baggage from this load that keeps me from moving!
I have a really bad habit of saying "yes" when asked to do things. Maybe it doesn't sound like that big of a deal. Trust me; it is.
If there is a function coming up for youth group, or if hubby comes up with another "great idea" for the youth group, or if someone in the church is thinking of an idea for the church family, I VOLUNTEER!
If there is an event going on at school, whether my kids are involved or not, or if someone happens to be absent or called away or otherwise "in need", I VOLUNTEER!
If a friend (or even slight acquaintance) calls needing something, I VOLUNTEER!
It's true. And the weight of all these promises drags me down! So I am learning to say no.
It's a slow process. Right now, I'm working my way through all the previous obligations that I've said "yes" to. The next month or so is full of these types of burdens. And it really is my own fault. These things would get done if I didn't do them. (And if they didn't get done, the world really would not come to an end.)
During this time of stress from over-volunteering, and learning to say no, I repeat Philippians 4:13. And I hum a little of TobyMac's "Way Beyond Me"...
Anything that I got the strength to do
In over my head keeps me countin' on You
I'm leaving the sweet spot, sure shot
Tradin' it all for the plans You got
Is it so crazy to believe
That You gave me the stars, put them out of my reach
Called me to waters a little too deep
Oh, I've never been so aware of my need
Yeah, you keep on making me see
It's way beyond me
Friday, March 20, 2015
2 Lessons from Philippians 4:13
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
In this busy school year, I've had to rely on this verse. A LOT. At the start of this new year, a thought struck me. I have learned two important lessons from this verse this year! One lesson I even made my "New Year's Resolution". Sometimes it just takes me awhile to hear God's voice (must be what Lent is for).
So... two lessons from Phil. 4:13.
Lesson One: Just because I can do all things doesn't mean I'm being told to do ALL things!
One of my biggest weaknesses is becoming overwhelmed and over-committed. I volunteer for projects, even though I'm really busy, just because I think I must. I tell myself, "This won't get done unless I do it!" Which of course is just silly, because if it needs getting done, someone will indeed take care of it! Case in point: I volunteered to direct Junior MidWinter Camp. Direct!! Now, my thought process on this should have told me that A) camp would happen with or without me and B) directing was too big a project for me and would stress me out. But I didn't listen. Yes, camp went well. But I was a basket case until it was over!
Lesson learned: don't volunteer for anything unless you REALLY want to. Now, I've still got too much on my plate, but I'm slowly learning that listening to God's voice is different than hearing that whiny self-talk in my head. So I'm tuning out the irritating over-volunteering voice, and tuning in to the Voice of Truth.
Lesson Two: Just because I haven't done something before doesn't mean God doesn't want me to try!
I am an adult, with an adult job as a library media specialist in a small school PreK-12 and an adult position in my church as song leader. Both of these roles call for a professional, adult appearance. But seriously, I just realized it over the past two weeks. Maybe it has to do with being an "adult age" finally (you'd think by 41 I'd have this figured out). Maybe it has to do with opening my eyes to the full impact of Philippians 4:13. I can do ALL things. I can, indeed, figure out how to dress like a professional -- including wearing makeup and matching my clothes and shopping for myself.
Yipe. I had to reread that just now.
What am I getting myself into? I've never worn much makeup. For awhile, when I was helping sell Avon with my mom-in-law, I bought makeup and wore it (though not every day). But I don't think I was very good at it. At the beginning of this school year, I bought makeup and wore it until about October. My reasoning: no one even noticed when I wore it or not, so why bother. My new realization: people do notice, they're just too polite to say anything. And it shouldn't be about that, anyway; it's about a professional image.
The same is certainly true, if not more so, for my wardrobe. I have never ever been good at shopping. I have never been good at putting clothes together. However, I didn't really think anyone noticed. Until a Sunday morning about two weeks ago. One of the older ladies of the congregation pulled me aside before worship started to ask me if I knew I didn't match. Yikes! I guess I didn't really pay attention, but my daughter just shook her head. She knew. And it's not my daughter's job to make sure I match every day or to take me shopping. (I miss my mom-in-law so much -- she was so GOOD at fashion and makeup!)
But I am an adult. I am a professional. I should be able to research and make notes to figure out this makeup and fashion thing. So that's what I've been doing. Pinterest has been especially helpful. As well as Stitch Fix! And so: Tomorrow, I'm going on my first fashion shopping trip, using my research guidelines and prayerful resolve.
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
(proof I can dress nicely and put on makeup!)
How about a book recommendation: read the Seraphina duo (Seraphina and Shadow Scale). Great for learning about your personal strengths and stepping out to be the person you were meant to be!
In this busy school year, I've had to rely on this verse. A LOT. At the start of this new year, a thought struck me. I have learned two important lessons from this verse this year! One lesson I even made my "New Year's Resolution". Sometimes it just takes me awhile to hear God's voice (must be what Lent is for).
So... two lessons from Phil. 4:13.
Lesson One: Just because I can do all things doesn't mean I'm being told to do ALL things!
One of my biggest weaknesses is becoming overwhelmed and over-committed. I volunteer for projects, even though I'm really busy, just because I think I must. I tell myself, "This won't get done unless I do it!" Which of course is just silly, because if it needs getting done, someone will indeed take care of it! Case in point: I volunteered to direct Junior MidWinter Camp. Direct!! Now, my thought process on this should have told me that A) camp would happen with or without me and B) directing was too big a project for me and would stress me out. But I didn't listen. Yes, camp went well. But I was a basket case until it was over!
Lesson learned: don't volunteer for anything unless you REALLY want to. Now, I've still got too much on my plate, but I'm slowly learning that listening to God's voice is different than hearing that whiny self-talk in my head. So I'm tuning out the irritating over-volunteering voice, and tuning in to the Voice of Truth.
Lesson Two: Just because I haven't done something before doesn't mean God doesn't want me to try!
I am an adult, with an adult job as a library media specialist in a small school PreK-12 and an adult position in my church as song leader. Both of these roles call for a professional, adult appearance. But seriously, I just realized it over the past two weeks. Maybe it has to do with being an "adult age" finally (you'd think by 41 I'd have this figured out). Maybe it has to do with opening my eyes to the full impact of Philippians 4:13. I can do ALL things. I can, indeed, figure out how to dress like a professional -- including wearing makeup and matching my clothes and shopping for myself.
Yipe. I had to reread that just now.
What am I getting myself into? I've never worn much makeup. For awhile, when I was helping sell Avon with my mom-in-law, I bought makeup and wore it (though not every day). But I don't think I was very good at it. At the beginning of this school year, I bought makeup and wore it until about October. My reasoning: no one even noticed when I wore it or not, so why bother. My new realization: people do notice, they're just too polite to say anything. And it shouldn't be about that, anyway; it's about a professional image.
The same is certainly true, if not more so, for my wardrobe. I have never ever been good at shopping. I have never been good at putting clothes together. However, I didn't really think anyone noticed. Until a Sunday morning about two weeks ago. One of the older ladies of the congregation pulled me aside before worship started to ask me if I knew I didn't match. Yikes! I guess I didn't really pay attention, but my daughter just shook her head. She knew. And it's not my daughter's job to make sure I match every day or to take me shopping. (I miss my mom-in-law so much -- she was so GOOD at fashion and makeup!)
But I am an adult. I am a professional. I should be able to research and make notes to figure out this makeup and fashion thing. So that's what I've been doing. Pinterest has been especially helpful. As well as Stitch Fix! And so: Tomorrow, I'm going on my first fashion shopping trip, using my research guidelines and prayerful resolve.
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
(proof I can dress nicely and put on makeup!)
How about a book recommendation: read the Seraphina duo (Seraphina and Shadow Scale). Great for learning about your personal strengths and stepping out to be the person you were meant to be!
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Parts of the Family
Two events happened on Sunday evening that brought home the idea of the closeness of family.
Sunday evening at church was Game Night! This time, we had chili & nachos and all wore our pajamas! I love getting together with the church family in such an informal way. It helps us get to know each other, and just be able to spend time together with these people who are such an important part of life. There was a variety of games around the room: CatchPhrase, 5 Second Rule, Apples to Apples, Sorry, Risk, Battleship, and the kids had a My Little Pony card game going on, as well as the PS3 which the hubby brought from home.
I think the highlight for me, though, was watching a couple of 9th graders and a 7th grader play Chutes and Ladders! Most of us played this game as kids growing up in the 70s and 80s. But these 3 young people played it like I've never seen before. They were really into it -- determined to win. But the best part was how much fun they were having! It was awesome to see teenagers REALLY laugh!
Later, after we'd all come home, and everyone in my house had gone to sleep, we heard crying outside the bedroom door. This was about 11:00 at night. My son was standing there outside the door, distraught because he'd forgotten a big project that was due Monday morning. So, we jumped out of bed and got to work. No scolding, or yelling; he'd already been upset enough about it. It was time to put behind the blame and get going on the project. I worked with my son on his writing project, and then we all dived in to the shoebox model of Inuit life. :) Even my daughter got up to make a clay model of a seal for the project! You know what? It only took us about a half hour to complete what might have been days' worth of work.
And here's what really got me. Both of these Sunday events were really about family. Family coming together; family working and playing together; family being there for one another, no matter whether it's fun time or work time.
♪I'm so glad I'm a part of the family of God♪
Sunday evening at church was Game Night! This time, we had chili & nachos and all wore our pajamas! I love getting together with the church family in such an informal way. It helps us get to know each other, and just be able to spend time together with these people who are such an important part of life. There was a variety of games around the room: CatchPhrase, 5 Second Rule, Apples to Apples, Sorry, Risk, Battleship, and the kids had a My Little Pony card game going on, as well as the PS3 which the hubby brought from home.
Later, after we'd all come home, and everyone in my house had gone to sleep, we heard crying outside the bedroom door. This was about 11:00 at night. My son was standing there outside the door, distraught because he'd forgotten a big project that was due Monday morning. So, we jumped out of bed and got to work. No scolding, or yelling; he'd already been upset enough about it. It was time to put behind the blame and get going on the project. I worked with my son on his writing project, and then we all dived in to the shoebox model of Inuit life. :) Even my daughter got up to make a clay model of a seal for the project! You know what? It only took us about a half hour to complete what might have been days' worth of work.
And here's what really got me. Both of these Sunday events were really about family. Family coming together; family working and playing together; family being there for one another, no matter whether it's fun time or work time.
♪I'm so glad I'm a part of the family of God♪
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)