Diving in to Teaching Life

This year, after 8 years away from full-time classroom teaching, I'm back in the classroom again.

At first, I was filled with trepidation. Could I really do this? After all, it had been so long! Did I even remember how to teach English? And would it be any good if I did?

I spent the summer writing lesson plans, studying texts, reading online, and even attending a week-long workshop. That workshop was the best thing for my morale (as well as my teaching). I learned so much, not the least being reminded that I CAN DO THIS!

I determined that I was going to "teach like I mean it"! This is my CALLING, not just my profession! So, we're going to do some creative projects throughout the year. I hope to document them here (just so I can look back and see that I've "done something" with my time this year).

The first day of school began with an activity I discovered this summer, called "6-Word Memoirs". Basically, you use six words -- and only six words -- to write something about your life, your personality, a description of your self and your outlook on life. Here's mine from this summer:

Every student got to write one on my whiteboard. Some were fantastic, some were funny, and all were evidence of this student body that I'll be spending every day with this school year. I'm so proud of them and their willingness to jump right in with my craziness.

Here's the board, followed by a few of my favs from the student works. I'm looking forward to a unique and crazy year!

On Grief

People deal with grief differently. I write.

It's been a rough month, frankly. There have been lots of mornings I didn't want to even get out of bed, didn't want to remember, didn't even want to think about what the day would look like without Jerry. And yet ... there is something incredibly healing in being able to say his name, in being able to write about the awesome young man he was, in being able to see pictures and videos of Jerry being Jerry. I think, perhaps, the hardest part personally was giving myself permission to grieve. You see, Jerry was not my son -- but he was so much a part of our lives, he certainly might as well have been! He's present in too many Facebook photos to count; he's in a third of my profile pics and cover photos; he's been at my house and in my youth group and under foot since forever (Kindergarten). I felt like he was mine. But he wasn't really. And it's been hard to give myself permission to grieve. What right do I have?! Well, he was mine. And this is how the grief process works for me.

I write.

So, I thought maybe I could gather some of this month's Facebook writings here together on this blog. Maybe it will make more sense as a whole. Maybe it will just make sense to me. Ah well.





April 20, 7:54 p.m.
Prayers please for a dear child!

April 20, 11:58 p.m.
Cyril kids, the pastors in town will be available at school tomorrow morning. Most of us, Rachyl and Jaxom included, plan to be there tomorrow. Shoulders to cry on and shoulders to hug. Missing our Sparklez for sure.



April 21, 6:46 a.m.
We all grieve differently. Me, I write. Woke this morning (if you can call this awake) with a gaping chasm in my heart. I may not have given birth to this boy, but he was my son nonetheless. Lots of moms feeling this way in Cyril today. And one more than the rest, more than we can say, we love you, Kristi.

April 23, 10:03 a.m.
Ohana; never forgotten. — with Rachyl Carlson. "Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten." -Lilo



April 25, 9:11 a.m.
Your presence and support much appreciated this morning as we try to say goodbye to Jerry Lewis. If you are available, join us at the gym at 10. — feeling heartbroken.

April 25, 1:49 p.m.
Blue sparkle roses for our Sparkles today. Class of 2019 Ohana. (Thanks, Kenzie Grace and Tina R Young.)



April 25, 8:18 a.m.
This morning, I'll be at worship with my church family, for the first time without Jerry. There will be smiles and tears, likely at the same time. I would greatly appreciate your prayers this morning.


(Our youth group, last Youth Sunday.)

April 25, 10:05 p.m.
It was good to sit in a circle of friends this evening. We need each other, for sure. Love you, Delbert, Christine, Kristi, Jason, Rachyl, Haley, Kenneth, Jaxom, Rilee, huge hugs to all!!!!

April 29, 7:19 a.m.
Woke exhausted this morning. Need strength just to make it to school today.
"I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be. Hands of Mercy, won't you cover me, Lord, right now I'm asking you to be strong enough."

April 29, 11:17 a.m.
Missing Jerry like crazy today. This pic is from last year's dance recital. How I miss this face! Each day, it seems, is full of more moments.
Like this pic: he HATED sitting through dance recital! But put up with it because that's what family does. It's hard for Rachyl and Jaxom right now without this guy they call brother.
I know she would love to have family and friends come support her Friday evening at Dance Recital. Ohana means everything.



May 11, 4:23 p.m.
A moment, frozen in time. The auditorium, full of antsy students and eager parents. The room suddenly hushed, breaths collectively held, all eyes turned toward the podium. Behind the microphone, her voice tremulous but strong, the young mother shared a gift with a class of 8th graders - her kids - minus one very important young man. You could have heard a pin drop in the silence of the moment. A hug for each precious soul, a sparkly cross in memory of her Sparklez, a connection few will understand. A moment, a stillness, a memory, but a reminder that Jerry Lewis will always be with us. I don't know how you measure strength, but here in Cyril, our strength is family. ‪#‎sparklesmonday‬

May 18, 8:07 a.m.
‪#‎sparklezmonday‬
Dumbledore: Still?
Snape: Always.


So, how can I explain the depth of my grief? Words fail. I miss you, Jerry Eugene Rath Lewis. Always.

Count Your Blessings

♪ Count your blessings, name them one by one,
♪ Count your many blessings, see what God has done!

So, not only did I give up my Facebook for Lent (which is harder than I imagined, thank you very much), but I also vowed to spend more time in Bible reading and prayer. Well, I have the time! You can't possibly imagine how much time I have wasted on Facebook!

Each day, I'm diving into a different book of the Bible. In the mornings, I read; in the evenings, I reread and ponder, meditate and pray, and then write. I also have a cool journaling/doodling page I found somewhere on Pinterest. (Don't judge me; I can't give up ALL my social media at once!)

Yesterday was just a regular day. No mountaintop experiences, no "valley of the shadow of death" moments. And yet, as I read I Corinthians 1 last night, I was struck by just how many blessings God had given me in the course of the day. Verse 5 practically jumped off the page and landed in my lap! I have been given so much! In speech and in knowledge, I grow every day! Even the seemingly ordinary days! After all, life is really made up of ordinary days sprinkled with extraordinary moments.

There's another old song (I'm pretty sure it's Bing Crosby) about counting blessings instead of sheep "Tonight, I'll fall asleep counting my blessings..." ♫

Yep, I certainly will!

Dreams Gone By

Well, Mother Sugar (mothersugar.wordpress.com) has done it again. She's asked a question that caused me to take a "sentimental journey".

The question? What dreams will you never see fulfilled, and why do you think they won't be fulfilled?

I've been pondering this question since it was posted last Friday. It's a difficult question, because we all want to believe that phrase "Dreams can come true". After all, don't we tell our children this? I encourage my kids to dream big dreams and work to make those dreams come true. One of my favorite tomes, Walden, has always been an encouragement to me, to keep building my "castles in the air" and the "foundations under them".

Yet, this question begs for an honest answer. So here it is.

My dream that will never be fulfilled is for my children to have their grandmothers at their graduations, weddings, and other lifetime achievement moments. I have been so lucky. I had both of my grandmothers beside me through most of my life. I even knew my great-grandmothers. And yet, my children will not have this same joy. My mother passed away before my children were born. My husband's mother passed away when my children were in 1st and 2nd grade. It's true: my kids will not have their grandmothers beside them the way I did.

My kids have been lucky enough to have close relationships with their great-grandmothers -- all four of their great-grandmas! However, in the past 3 years, my kids have lost 3 of the 4. In fact, my kids' last remaining grandma just turned 93. It makes me sad and a bit nostalgic when I think of all the red-letter days that my kids will have to experience "grandma-less".

Don't get me wrong. My kids are certainly not alone in the world! They are surrounded by loving parents, aunts, uncles, and grandfathers. They even have a step-grandma who cherishes them. They have plenty of extra grandmas at church and in our tiny community who come to support them in all their endeavors, whether it is a piano recital or a football game.

But that dream of mine, of my children proudly walking across the stage at high school graduation with their grandmas beaming from the audience. Well, that dream will be unfulfilled. Not a thing I can do about it. Except to remind them (and myself) that we are not alone. That we are loved. And that somewhere, their grandmas are looking down on them with love and pride, no matter what.

Building Fences

I've been watching a homeowner in a neighboring town building a fence around his yard.

We drive by this particular suburban area every time we go to McDonald's or Sonic. So it's been interesting to watch the fence-building project.

Originally, the home had a typical contractor-constructed wood fence. I assume the homeowner was unsatisfied with the workmanship or the look of the fence. At any rate, soon the fence came down.

Thus began the never-ending fence-building project. Several large brick "posts" were built at intervals all along the yard edge. Then, a brick ledge appeared, followed by wooden fencing.

Still, the homeowner wasn't satisfied. The next time we drove into town, he was demolishing some of the brick pylons. Soon, only the corners of the yard had their brick structures still standing.

Now, the fence is completed (again). It is a wooden fence (much like the original fence) spaced between brick posts anchoring each corner.

Yes, it is a nice fence. Was it worth a year's work? I don't know.

This process got me to thinking about how many things in life that are perfectly fine the way they are. Yet somehow, I feel the need to change them. For change's sake, I suppose.

Guess I will have to keep this in mind next time I'm thinking of changing...

Christmases

What fun Christmases my family has had this year! We've gathered with nearly everyone. Can't wait to see my Kansas family this weekend! That will be a blast!!

It's been hard, losing my husband's cousin so close to Christmas. In fact, the funeral was just days before Christmas. My kids asked if we could have just one year without any funerals.

All the gifts are wrapped and ready to go, all the suitcases are getting packed up, and I'm ready to roll in the morning.

Wow, I can't believe how scattered my thoughts are today! Can't seem to put together any thoughtful sentiments. Oh, well! Merry Christmas!

Here's a book I got for Christmas: The Story!